


Firefly

by ren (renegadewriter)



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anniversary Challenge Response, Canon Death, Drama, M/M, Romance, Songfic, mention of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-22
Updated: 2012-09-22
Packaged: 2017-11-14 19:10:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/518565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renegadewriter/pseuds/ren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> I knew. I knew as soon as Optimus finished explaining the plan to go after the cube that you would volunteer. That knowledge did nothing to quell my anger and sadness as you stood, unhesitant and determined to offer your skills for the mission.  </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Firefly

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [**ProwlXJazz**](http://prowlxjazz.livejournal.com/) Community September Anniversary [**Challenge**](http://prowlxjazz.livejournal.com/801461.html#cutid1) on LJ. Day 21st
> 
> Prompt: [**Firefly**](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktKewuN7Uc0) by Ateens

I knew. I knew as soon as Optimus finished explaining the plan to go after the cube that you would volunteer. That knowledge did nothing to quell my anger and sadness as you stood, unhesitant and determined to offer your skills for the mission.  

We fought. It didn’t matter that it was behind closed doors, everyone knew. 

_“Why can’t ya see that Ah’m the best choice fer this mission!? Yer the tactician here fer Primus’ sake!”_

_“And why can’t you see that_ I _need you here!?”_

_“Ah have to do this.”_

_“Fine. If you’re that desperate, then go.”_

_“Prowler-”_

_“GO!”_

I’m so sorry Jazz. I was angry and scared. Scared that you wanted to leave because of me. Scared that you wouldn't come back, that you’d find another, lose interest. 

Please... please come back.

 

**_When I said go I never meant away_ **   
**_You ought to know the freaky games we play_ **   
**_could you forgive and learn how to forget_ **   
**_hear me as I'm calling out your name_ **

 

Even after that cold goodbye, you still wrote to me and sent voice entries. In one of your many transmissions, you once told me how much you loved the small beings called fireflies on Earth. Far away from the planet Earth we might have been, but I managed to gather data on the small organics that had caught your attention. 

It... confused me. How could an insect that glowed bring you such happiness? Perhaps, I fail to see the logic because my perception of ‘insects’ has been tainted by the accursed insecticons that plague the remains of Cybertron. 

_“Ah can’t wait ta show ya, they’re beautiful!”_

You sounded so sure.

_“They remind me of yer optics. Gold embers that light mah way home.”_

Such a sap. Stupid fool. Although I’m no better, secretly calling you my firefly after your own description of the small beings: _“A beacon of hope in the gloomy darkness! That’s what they are.”_

A definition I could not link to the unknown organics, but was fitting for yourself... was exactly what you meant to me. 

My firefly... why did your light die out? 

 

 

**_Firefly come back to me_ **   
**_make the night as bright as day_ **   
**_I'll be looking out for you_ **   
**_tell me that your lonely too_ **   
**_firefly come lead me on_ **   
**_follow you into the sun_ **   
**_that's the way it ought to be_ **   
**_firefly come back to me_ **

  


_“Sir? Where is Jazz?”_

The silence said it all. But I hoped...

_“Prowl, Jazz died in battle. His spark went on to the Matrix.”_

I was so stupid. _We_ were so stupid. Always dancing around each other, always trying to take just a bit more, reach further for that thing we kept at arm’s length. We knew what we wanted, and always turned our backs to it. 

Why? 

Was it fear? Did _I_ fear your rejection? 

_“You two are driving me insane. I haven’t seen any other couple of idiots like yourselves more perfect for each other! You’re practically inseparable!”_

_“We’re just friends Ratchet.”_

_“Pfft, friends he says. How about my wrench tries to talk some sense into you?”_

I wished I could have at least had the courage to speak to you about how I felt. Make you see that I loved you as much as you seemed to love me. Why did neither of us just... take the final step? 

 

**_You and me_ **   
**_we shared a mystery_ **   
**_we were so close_ **   
**_like honey to the bee_ **   
**_And if you tell me how to make you understand_ **   
**_I'm minor in a major kinda way_ **   


****

****

It’s too late now. There’s nothing to be done. Wasted moments, wasted touches, wasted words... things I’ll never get the chance to do or say.  

I can’t do this without you Jazz, I can’t. I need you, my firefly. Need your warming smile, your playful voice, shinning optics... please... you’re my light, you’re my guide.

Come back.

 

**_Firefly come back to me_ **   
**_make the night as bright as day_ **   
**_I'll be looking out for you_ **   
**_tell me that your lonely too_ **   
**_firefly come lead me on_ **   
**_follow you into the sun_ **   
**_that's the way it ought to be_ **   
**_firefly come back to me_ **

 

 

_“Prowl!”_

_“Wh-”_

_“You were having a nightmare. I heard.. I heard screaming.”_

_“I’m fine Bluestreak. Thank you for your concern.”_

_“But-”_

_“I’m_ fine. _”_

I’m not fine Jazz. Not in the least. I yearn for you, need you by my side as I always did. There are no words to describe how much I long to hear your voice, feel your arms around me... anything.  

Everyone thinks they know what’s good for me. You’d laugh at them. You were the only one that ever understood me Jazz. I miss that. It’s like a limb being chopped off and never being able to replace it. I never appreciated your presence and everything you gave me. Now... I feel so alone. I feel invisible. 

When will I see you again? 

 

**_Fly firefly through the sky_ **   
**_come and play with my desire_ **   
**_don't be long don't ask why_ **   
**_I can't wait another night_ **

  

 

I finally understand what you meant Jazz. Why fireflies filled you with such happiness and hope. Would you believe me if I told you.. I got lost today? 

Silly I know. Unprofessional even. But I have not been my efficient self for a long time, and these long patrols serve to distract me from the pitying optics of everyone on base. 

The day was a reflection of my inner state, ever since I learned of your death. Dark, depressing, oppressing, an unending fog that seems to wrap around you and never let go. Tying you down, never letting you see ahead.

It was fitting considering it has been, yet another year since the battle that took you from me. You’d hate me if I told you there were times I wanted to follow, even contemplated it then. 

Was it you that stopped me? Stopped the cold blade from touching the thin glass protecting my sparkchamber? 

_“A beacon of hope in the gloomy darkness...”_ Was what you said. 

The dozen warm lights that broke through the maddening haze were like a balm. Shimmering lights floating all around me, lighting the darkness in me and staying my servo... I never felt more alive. 

Even as I cupped a small insect in my giant servos, I saw it Jazz. I saw what you saw and maybe... maybe I saw _you_ as well.

Maybe after all this time, you finally came back to me.

 

**_Firefly come back to me_ **   
**_make the night as bright as day_ **   
**_I'll be looking out for you_ **   
**_tell me that your lonely too_ **   
**_firefly come lead me on_ **   
**_follow you into the sun_ **   
**_that's the way it ought to be_ **   
**_firefly come back to me_ **


End file.
